if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
