dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
