hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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