hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
