from now on my penis is your penis
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
