So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
