i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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