she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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