Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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