My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
