cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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