I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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