i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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