I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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