I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
