Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I believe in your delicious
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
