I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
