My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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