she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
