just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
