i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
