I smell stomach acid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
