i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
