it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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