did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
