is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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