i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think I just sharted jello shots
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
