I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
