Don't you send me to vm
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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