I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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