Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
