Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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