first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
