somebody snuck up and got me drunk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
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It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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