Soap is not a condiment
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
where are you?
Hypothermia
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
