my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
