Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November