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3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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