I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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