No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.