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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Honestly.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Don't say a word.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Mom wtf!?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  well now I have to

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection

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• (607): View more from New York

  It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat

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• (518): View more from New York

  The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing

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• (813): View more from Florida

  How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?

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