it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you