I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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