I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
