he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
