And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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