He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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