party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
