Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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