They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
