i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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