I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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