I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
