Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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