Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
