her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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