Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
