I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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