My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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