i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
