Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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