went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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