the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
