if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
