I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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