I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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