Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
