More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
