Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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