i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
