Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
