Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
