He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
