So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
