I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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