you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My friends, they love my intelligence
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
